I. Thou shalt have no other sport before rugby.


II. Thou shalt not make unto thyself any graven image of a soccer player, a player of badminton or likewise a player of ping pong. Thou art a rugby player and a man therewith. Speaketh not in tones of political correctness, but, rather, let thy voice be forthright. Let thy communication be "With you!" or "Ball, ball!" and speaketh not the lukewarm utterances of the players of other sports.


III. Thou shalt not take the name of thy coach in vain. Thou shalt obey him, and put his playing plan forth onto the pitch.


IV. Remember the rugby day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou drink, and do all thy drunkenness: But the rugby day is for thy club, and thou shalt not cause thy club to be mocked by thy drunkenness and stupor, until after the game, then may your cup of ale runneth over.


V. Honour thy practice sessions that thy days may be long upon the land which thy rugby club giveth thee.

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A complete unbiased look at the different rugby positions:


The Pack: Eight handsome burly guys whom you`d want to marry your daughter. They are intelligent, elegant, sensitive and sweet. Truly the ideal men.


The Backs: Seven guys who will take advantage of your womenfolk, and all tubular household objects. Often dine on quiche, brie and wine. Regularly take blow dryers on road trips and wear bikini underpants.


Prop: Short but stout, these strapping men support the hooker, but no money ever changes hands and the act is never specifically named.


Hooker: Often identified by a balding spot atop the head, these vertically-challenged but talented men stand between the two props and secure the ball for their team during scrummages.

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Advantage Rule
One refs don`t play enough. He allows play to continue after a foul if stopping would disadvantage the non-offending team.


Ankle Tap

Spectacular when they work, but in reality a last-ditch effort by an out-paced player to tackle an opponent by diving and slapping his ankle.


Banjoed
Play one badly and you`ll be in tears. In polite terms, it`s a kick where it really hurts.


Blindside

Not your alter-ego after too many beers, but the playing area nearest the touchline and next to a scrum, maul or ruck. Domain of loose forwards and scrumhalf.

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Front Row: Without a doubt the manliest men on the pitch. Large, often hairy, beer swilling carnivores that can and will smash anything in their path. Reveling in the violence inherent in the scrum, they are rarely considered "nice" people, and in fact to some they aren`t even considered humans at all. Front rowers tolerate this attitude far and wide because they recognize their role at the top of the food chain and are used to suffering the fools that surround them. Accused by some of simply being dumb, I prefer to think of this group as "open to unconventional ways of thinking."


Locks: Slightly below the front row on the food chain. As with front row players it is inadvisable to put an appendage you wish to keep near this group`s maw when they are in the feeding mode. This group of large, often foul-smelling brutes is also more than willing to relish the finer points of stomping on a fallen opponent`s body and will gleefully recount the tale ad infinitum. While they tend to take the tag "Powerhouse of the Scrum" a little too seriously, they can be useful if inured with the proper hatred of their fellow man. While members of this proud fraternity like to think of themselves as "open to unconventional ways of thinking"- they are usually just dumb.

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