Front Row: Without a doubt the manliest men on the pitch. This being clearly evident after having a conversation with this species. Large, often hairy, beer swilling carnivores that can and will smash anything in their path. Masters at the art of the scrum and dark, tight holes, props have the eyesight of a coal miner and are often dazed and confused if found in the open.
Revelling in the violence inherent in the scrum, they are rarely considered "nice" people, and in fact to some they aren't even considered humans at all. Front rowers tolerate this attitude far and wide because they recognize their role at the top of the food chain and are used to suffering the fools that surround them. Accused by some of simply being thick as shit, I prefer to think of this group as "open to unconventional ways of thinking."

AKA: Stumps. Ranked among these hallowed ranks are such ultimately manly men as; Conan the Barbarian, Master Chief, All 300 Spartans and Stanley (from A Street Car Named Desire)

Follow up:

Locks: Slightly below the front row on the food chain. They are stronger than backs but fitter than fronts also the hardest men on the field. This title would usually be given to the front rows, but they are usually gay. As with front row players it is inadvisable to put an appendage you wish to keep near this group's maw when they are in the feeding mode.
This group of large, often foul-smelling brutes is also more than willing to relish the finer points of stomping on a fallen opponent's body and will gleefully recount the tale ad infinitum. While they tend to take the tag "Powerhouse of the Scrum" a little too seriously, they can be useful if inured with the proper hatred of their fellow man.

Major roles of locks include punching the front row's balls, sticking their heads in where anyone less manly wouldn't dare and being the first players to got their kit off and hop in the shower and the last to leave. While members of this proud fraternity like to think of themselves as "open to unconventional ways of thinking"- they are usually just thick as shit.


Back Row: These are fine, fit fellows who, like a bunch of hermaphrodites, are confused as to what their role in life should be. While they know they are undeniably linked to the forwards, there are those among them who long for the perfect hair and long flowing gowns that come with being a back/homosexual. Some relish the forward role and will do anything to win the ball and there are others within this group that will break the prime directive of the forward and do anything to prance foolishly with the ball. Generally, these guys are not all bad, but I, personally, have to wonder about any forward who brings a hairbrush and a change of clothes to a game.


Scrum Half: Some like to think of this back as an honorary forward (Or midget in most cases). I myself tend to think of the No. 9 as 'half a fairy'. While the toughest back almost always fills this position, this idea is almost laughable - kind of like the hottest fat chick. The scrum half's presence is tolerated by the forwards because they know that he will spin the ball to the rest of the girls/gays in the backline who will inevitably knock the ball on and allow them the pleasure of another scrum. The No. 9 can take pride in the fact that he is the lowest numbered back and that as such he can be considered almost worthwhile.


Fly Half: His primary role is the leader of the backs - a dubious honour at best. Main responsibilities as far as I can tell are ability to throw the ball over people's heads and to provide something soft for opposing back rowers to land on. Expected to direct the prancing of the rest of the back line - the fly half, like any good Broadway choreographer, is usually light on his feet. While some may argue that these pretty boys must be protected, I find it hard to support anyone whose foot touches a rugby ball on purpose.


Centres: Usually come in two varieties: hard chargers or flitting fairies. The hard charger is the one to acquire, as he will announce his presence in a game with the authority rarely found above No. 8. The flitting fairy is regrettably more common and will usually attempt to avoid contact at all costs. The flitting fairy is also only one good smack away from bursting into tears and leaving the pitch to cry on the shoulder of his inevitable girlfriend. Both types will have extensive collections of hair care products, possibly shave their legs and have curling tongs and manicure sets in their kit bags and will be among the best dressed at the post-game festivities.


Back 3: These players are included mainly for aesthetic/prancing purposes. In terms of their practical contribution to a rugby team, not much can be said.


To finish, all rugby players are monsters. Not that that is a bad thing, however, you may want to be wary of playing the game if you are not interested in being trampled to death by a pack of beer guzzling beasts.


Source: The Uncyclopedia