This is, of course, a mantra that most of you reading this will have tried to adhere to for much of your lives, but it will become nigh on impossible once the Rugby World Cup kicks off in France. Satellite Television have a lot to answer for. In September and October 2007, we'll be able to watch far too many matches, many of them at 9 in the morning.


The Background
First things first. You can't watch an international on your own. You have to be with friends, acquaintances, fellow bar occupants. As yet more forward passes go unpunished by Australian referees, another South African tries to provoke a bit of argy-bargy, and the All Blacks unearth yet another steamrolling centre in the midfield, you have to share the anger, the wrath and the envy. And here's the problem. If you're going to enjoy communal angst as Scotland and Wales are rolled over, mug up on how the French might derail New Zealand come the World Cup, and generally be a bit of a world rugby swot, you're going to have to spend a lot of time in the pub. And with the best will in the world, it takes a Herculean effort to resist the demon alcohol as Argentina are leading England with 15 minutes to go. "I'll have a cranberry juice." I don't think so.


The Build Up

In the past, watching international tests, there have been days when you could start in England at breakfast, before moving on to Argentina in the afternoon and New Zealand at night. By the second half of the match in Aukland, you can't remember who's playing. Or where you live.

Follow up:

So a few words of advice to those warming up for the television World Cup, by acclimatizing with 6 Nations games from January to March. Always occupy a position as far away from the bar as possible.


Ensure your best mates are too far away to offer to buy you a drink, and most crucially of all, don't take any money with you. (Over the years, I've found this tactic works particularly well). The build up weekends are important in terms of the World Cup.


The Event
Throughout September and October, you'll be in the pub, and then have to go to work, so discipline will be key. Everything in sport is about preparation. So with that in mind, the obvious solution is to ensure you get absolutely hammered every Friday night in the build up weeks. That way, you'll feel so wretched on Saturday morning, the last thing in the world you'll want is any alcohol. Believe me. It's the kind of attention to detail that the New Zealand coaching staff would undoubtedly approve of.


Time Management

Also pick a team or two to follow and only drink when they're playing. Several key games will be played on weekends, so by disciplining yourself in this way, you'll only have to take about 2 sick days before the play-offs (after that, you're on your own).
See "Sick Note" below.


The other major issue is that many of us have families/ girlfriends/ families and girlfriends to worry about. there's nothing worse than having to meet domestic commitments in the afternoon when you've had a bellyful of beer in the morning. Its also notoriously difficult to think on your feet in these situations and heartfelt excuses don't have the same impact when they're accompanied by the fragrant aroma of Guiness. So get your thinking out of the way early. The time tested favorites are:


1. Sickness

2. Your mother
3. Your sick mother


Don't use these - they're as believable as a Mo Isaacs side-step.


The Solution

Think outside the box. Remember, you'll have to cover about 7 weekends, so you'll need to be creative. I'm not going to make any suggestions as such plans are unique to every individual. Suffice to say that I'll be in the Cricket Club/Hideaway Club/wherever for every match - hopefully I'll see you there.....



Sick Note


Dear Boss/Teacher/Warden (circle one):


Please excuse the bearer of this note, (your name here), from work/school/solitary confinement (circle one) from Sept. 6th, 2007 until Nov. 1st, 2007. Let me assure you that this absence is unrelated to the Rugby World Cup which will take place in France at that time. S/he will, unfortunately be suffering from a recurring ailment that may or may not be contagious/require surgery/exist.


(Your name here) simply wants to thoughtfully pre-schedule next year’s family obligations/chicken pox/prison-riot-related injuries (circle one) ahead of time for efficiency’s sake. This is in the long term interest of all concerned. It is in this vein that (your name here) hopes to return on November 1st, happy, rested and ready to win the employee of the month award/school spirit award/time off for good behavior (circle one).


If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at any time, as long as its 40 minutes past the hour.


Sincerely,

You